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A while back I got trapped at the cooled beverages aisle in the natural section of a Hy-Vee. I was thirsty for something to drink, but not sure as to what that was. I browsed the beverages for about 20 minutes looking like the most indecisive person in the world. I would say it was embarrassing, but this occurrence isn’t new, and I’ve gotten over the embarrassment.

What took me so long was deciding on which beverage I wanted to consumer as well as which had the best packaging. All of the high-end cold brew coffee had amazing packaging, but probably had too much creamer and sweetener for my liking. The other thing is that they were like $4 each, which, for a coffee is too much for my wallet to handle on a regular occurring basis. However, when I moved to the drinks that sounded okay, the packaging was, well, meh. What a mess.

I ended up deciding on a cold brewed coffee of the Starbucks variety, mostly because I enjoyed the bottle itself. The shorter, squatty stance, dark brown glass, and copper colored cap felt good in my hands. I could easily hold onto it, and even though it’s a mass-produced item, they had me buying into the idea that it was crafted unlike the cheaply canned items it was competing with. It also did not run the $4 that the even higher end coffees did, so that worked for me. I checked out and enjoyed my coffee, after twenty minutes.

When I finished the coffee, I went to throw the bottle away and thought to myself, what a waste. I spent twenty minutes picking this nice glass bottle out for a minute’s worth swig of coffee and am just going to ditch the bottle. Since when was glass a one-time use item anyways? Shouldn’t we be using these containers more than once? Then I started thinking about reasons someone would use a glass bottle more than once, and why I was attracted to it in the first place.

What if there was a product that could be adhered to a reusable item such as this glass container, that would give that product a second life and conserve energy and raw material? I think I had found the solution, or, a solution. So what I did next was take my love for lettering, attention to detail, and want to do more package design, and created a water bottle label that is attractive enough that it could turn any glass bottle into something a consumer would want to use again and again.

I ended up coming up with a sarcastic product that called to the most classic, original, authentic beverage of all time, water. I made the packaging as fun as possible, adding facts on the nutrition label as well as instructions on cleaning the bottles for reuse. Some of the facts include “Water removes waste from your system” and “Water allows you to shit”. Of course, these were accompanied by “For best product results, give this bottle a rinse every once in a while. You do not need any extra fungi in your diet yo.” And, like any entrepreneur, I included some shameless plugs about my website because well, I’ve got to pay the bills my friend.

The Little Victory of this story.  I have shared these around and I have only produced enough of these kits to really convert a handful of water bottles (when I say kit you get a front, back, and lid label). While they haven’t been highly successful, but I also haven’t shared them around. So if you’re reading this, this is your chance to get the hippest, most underground, water bottle label on the market that you can feel good about. Not to mention you can go spend $5 on a swank bottle of cold brewed coffee. One thing I will consider a victory is the laughs that the project has gotten. Although it’s not changing the world, it has made a few people smile, and that is a rewarding side affect of my efforts, so I’ll take it.

Seriously though if you want a sticker pack to make your own, drop a note into my contact form and let’s get you hooked up.